Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Missing My Mom

I know this post doesn't have to do with colon cancer, Lynch Syndrome or any of the other expected issues, but I needed a place to put my thoughts.  FB seems too public, which I guess this is too, but someone would have to make a choice to read this rather than just see it pop up on their FB page.

September 9 is the actual date Mom died.  But, it was one year ago tomorrow - the Friday after Labor Day that I keep thinking of as the anniversary.  There are still moments the pain of missing her is so intense that I can't breathe.  

There are too many "anniversaries".  The day she went into the hospital, the day she was supposed to come home, the last day I talked to her on the phone, the day Zoey and I arrived at the hospital to find her in ICU on life support, the evening my Dad & brother and I watched the doctors stabilize her sure that she was going to die then, the night we all gathered at Dad's and acknowledged the reality that we were going to take her off of life support.  

Then finally, September 9 - the Friday after Labor Day, the day we gathered in that room with the doctors and went around the table giving our consent to let Mom go.  All of us being with her as they took her off the machines. Dad, Scott & I, Mike & Billie, Uncle Rich and Aunt Colette.  Watching the monitors, waiting for what seemed like an eternity.  Hope still creeping in mixed with doubt.  Did we do the right thing?  Selfishly we all wanted her back, but because we loved her we let her go.