I just found out yesterday that one of my childhood friends has breast cancer. It's funny,if it weren't for Facebook, I would have no connection with her at all, yet she always had words of encouragement during Mike's battle. She is one month older than I am, has two young kids and is way too young for this. However, she also has an amazing attitude that will carry her through this ordeal and bring her out on the other side stronger than ever.
Cancer sucks and it doesn't play fair.
On June 25, 2010, at age 37, my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. Following a right-hemicolectomy, genetic testing determined the cause was due to HNPCC/Lynch Syndrome. On December 9, 2011 he had a subtotal colectomy.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
January 24, 2011
Finally feeling a bit more normal again after the Lynch confirmation last week. One thing I've noticed is that I have a definite pattern with all of this. The first couple of days are really rough, feeling kind of numb and looking for the nearest rock to crawl under. Then by day 3 or 4 more rational thinking comes back a bit and I start gathering more information about what exactly we're facing. By day 7 I feel like I have mostly adjusted to yet another new normal.
That isn't to say I don't still have moments when I just want it to all go away. It's easy to fall into that spiral of not wanting to accept any of it. If I kick and scream long enough it will all go away. But, like I tell my daughter, "has that EVER worked for you?"
Mike and I continue to absorb all we can from whatever resources we can find about Lynch Syndrome. All of it at this point comes from information we find on-line. I haven't read so many scientific journal articles since I was in grad school! We grab onto the positive stuff we find, like a person with colon cancer caused by Lynch has a higher survival rate than a colon cancer not caused by Lynch.
Actually, I don't think I'm so much afraid of cancer taking over Mike's body (well, I feel that way today, anyway). It's the uncertainty and all of the unanswered questions that gets to me. Colon cancer caused by Lynch Syndrome is also known as Hereditary Nonpolyposis Colon Cancer (HNPCC). The nonpolyposis (no-polyps) means that cancer can just start on its own. In the majority of non-Lynch colon cancers it starts with a polyp, which can be removed before they cause problems. With HNPCC there isn't always the "luxury" of having a polyp. Just *BAM* there's cancer.
So, we continue to gather information, make up our list of questions and wait for the final results of the genetic testing so we can move on to the next stage of this adventure.
That isn't to say I don't still have moments when I just want it to all go away. It's easy to fall into that spiral of not wanting to accept any of it. If I kick and scream long enough it will all go away. But, like I tell my daughter, "has that EVER worked for you?"
Mike and I continue to absorb all we can from whatever resources we can find about Lynch Syndrome. All of it at this point comes from information we find on-line. I haven't read so many scientific journal articles since I was in grad school! We grab onto the positive stuff we find, like a person with colon cancer caused by Lynch has a higher survival rate than a colon cancer not caused by Lynch.
Actually, I don't think I'm so much afraid of cancer taking over Mike's body (well, I feel that way today, anyway). It's the uncertainty and all of the unanswered questions that gets to me. Colon cancer caused by Lynch Syndrome is also known as Hereditary Nonpolyposis Colon Cancer (HNPCC). The nonpolyposis (no-polyps) means that cancer can just start on its own. In the majority of non-Lynch colon cancers it starts with a polyp, which can be removed before they cause problems. With HNPCC there isn't always the "luxury" of having a polyp. Just *BAM* there's cancer.
So, we continue to gather information, make up our list of questions and wait for the final results of the genetic testing so we can move on to the next stage of this adventure.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Reality setting in
Mike has Lynch Syndrome.
We knew there was a high probability, but to be told with all certainty still kind of knocks the wind out of you a bit. Although not nearly as much as being told your husband, at age 37, has cancer. Nothing can compete with that.
Yesterday Mike & I went to Madison so he could have another blood draw. We had a chance to talk with Laura, the genetic counselor, and she explained why more blood was needed.
We had originally been told (several months ago) that two of Mike's mismatch repair genes appeared to have mutations (MSH2 & MSH6) we were also told that typically MSH2 will also take out MSH6 so further testing would be done only on MSH2. The blood taken for that was sent to Quest rather than Mayo where all of the other testing had been done.
The results of that testing done by Quest indicated a result which can often have a false positive. In order to rule that out the same test was done at Mayo to confirm it. Instead, Mayo found a DIFFERENT mutation right next to the one Quest found. At this point either exon 7 is missing or exon 8 is duplicated so BOTH labs will now look for both of those mutations. The blood draw was needed yesterday because the labs have used up all of Mike's blood from doing the previous tests. It appears that Mike is very well known around Mayo Clinic now. Well, his blood and mutations are anyway.
The importance of finding out exactly which mutation is involved isn't so much for Mike, but for the rest of his family and our kids. Laura said as big of a pain as this all has been, it's actually a good thing Mayo retested for Quests findings. Had we just gone along with the first result and assumed it was a positive-positive and not have it rechecked we could have ended up having family members being tested for a mutation that never actually existed. The worst case would have been that genetic testing would be done on family to look for a mutation in exon 7, having everyone's results come back negative only to find out later - after someone else ends up with a Lynch cancer - that the mutation was actually in exon 8.
Once the two labs run tests again for both exon 7 & exon 8 we will - ideally - know exactly which exon is involved. From there we send that information to Mike's parents & siblings so if they decide on genetic testing the labs will know exactly what to look for. A process that should only take a couple of weeks. Not five months like it has for us.
There are a lot of issues to think about with this diagnosis and it can start to feel overwhelming (that seems to have been a pretty common feeling over these last 7 months). What can I do to protect my family? There is a 50% chance that Cal & Zoey also have Lynch, although we won't have them tested until they are much older. Knowing there could be something in their DNA that makes them more susceptible to certain cancers can be terrifying.
We are fortunate that Mike has already has decent life insurance through the Air Force. In all reality, a diagnosis of Lynch Syndrome pretty much rules you out for getting any life insurance if you aren't already insured. We also benefit from a really good health insurance plan through Mike's employer. We anticipate the rates going up, but at least we're insured.
There is so much more to sort through and think about. Everything from what we are eating to what doctors Mike should have on his "team". Is surgery something to seriously consider? No colon = no colon cancer, but that doesn't do anything for reducing the risk of brain, skin or other Lynch cancers.
I think everyone has been touched by cancer in one way or another, but Lynch Syndrome is this other beast just lurking below the surface. An estimated 600,000 people have Lynch, yet only about 5% know it. Now when I hear of someone young being diagnosed with any of the "Lynch cancers", I always wonder if Lynch is responsible.
Sometimes it's hard to not let it all weigh me down. I don't want to live in fear. Fear of Mike getting cancer again, fear of the kids having Lynch.
I want to be proactive, but even that seems like too much to take on sometimes. Part of me wants to throw out every single plastic item in the house because of the risk of BPA. Get rid of everything that contains refined sugar, high fructose corn syrup and white flour. Then I have to take a step back and acknowledge that we are already doing things to be proactive. My kids eat whole grain wheat bread and don't complain, they have less screen time than the average kid living in the US, they typically like most fruit and many vegetables. So if they occasionally eat a pancake wrapped sausage on a stick for breakfast will that really undo all of the good stuff?
I have a lot to think about and I know I can't change the fact my husband's colon cancer was caused by a genetic issue. My kids either have it or they don't - I can't change that either. What I can change is how I deal with all of it while acknowledging that despite all the positive thinking this is a really crappy thing to have to live with, but it is what it is.
We knew there was a high probability, but to be told with all certainty still kind of knocks the wind out of you a bit. Although not nearly as much as being told your husband, at age 37, has cancer. Nothing can compete with that.
Yesterday Mike & I went to Madison so he could have another blood draw. We had a chance to talk with Laura, the genetic counselor, and she explained why more blood was needed.
We had originally been told (several months ago) that two of Mike's mismatch repair genes appeared to have mutations (MSH2 & MSH6) we were also told that typically MSH2 will also take out MSH6 so further testing would be done only on MSH2. The blood taken for that was sent to Quest rather than Mayo where all of the other testing had been done.
The results of that testing done by Quest indicated a result which can often have a false positive. In order to rule that out the same test was done at Mayo to confirm it. Instead, Mayo found a DIFFERENT mutation right next to the one Quest found. At this point either exon 7 is missing or exon 8 is duplicated so BOTH labs will now look for both of those mutations. The blood draw was needed yesterday because the labs have used up all of Mike's blood from doing the previous tests. It appears that Mike is very well known around Mayo Clinic now. Well, his blood and mutations are anyway.
The importance of finding out exactly which mutation is involved isn't so much for Mike, but for the rest of his family and our kids. Laura said as big of a pain as this all has been, it's actually a good thing Mayo retested for Quests findings. Had we just gone along with the first result and assumed it was a positive-positive and not have it rechecked we could have ended up having family members being tested for a mutation that never actually existed. The worst case would have been that genetic testing would be done on family to look for a mutation in exon 7, having everyone's results come back negative only to find out later - after someone else ends up with a Lynch cancer - that the mutation was actually in exon 8.
Once the two labs run tests again for both exon 7 & exon 8 we will - ideally - know exactly which exon is involved. From there we send that information to Mike's parents & siblings so if they decide on genetic testing the labs will know exactly what to look for. A process that should only take a couple of weeks. Not five months like it has for us.
There are a lot of issues to think about with this diagnosis and it can start to feel overwhelming (that seems to have been a pretty common feeling over these last 7 months). What can I do to protect my family? There is a 50% chance that Cal & Zoey also have Lynch, although we won't have them tested until they are much older. Knowing there could be something in their DNA that makes them more susceptible to certain cancers can be terrifying.
We are fortunate that Mike has already has decent life insurance through the Air Force. In all reality, a diagnosis of Lynch Syndrome pretty much rules you out for getting any life insurance if you aren't already insured. We also benefit from a really good health insurance plan through Mike's employer. We anticipate the rates going up, but at least we're insured.
There is so much more to sort through and think about. Everything from what we are eating to what doctors Mike should have on his "team". Is surgery something to seriously consider? No colon = no colon cancer, but that doesn't do anything for reducing the risk of brain, skin or other Lynch cancers.
I think everyone has been touched by cancer in one way or another, but Lynch Syndrome is this other beast just lurking below the surface. An estimated 600,000 people have Lynch, yet only about 5% know it. Now when I hear of someone young being diagnosed with any of the "Lynch cancers", I always wonder if Lynch is responsible.
Sometimes it's hard to not let it all weigh me down. I don't want to live in fear. Fear of Mike getting cancer again, fear of the kids having Lynch.
I want to be proactive, but even that seems like too much to take on sometimes. Part of me wants to throw out every single plastic item in the house because of the risk of BPA. Get rid of everything that contains refined sugar, high fructose corn syrup and white flour. Then I have to take a step back and acknowledge that we are already doing things to be proactive. My kids eat whole grain wheat bread and don't complain, they have less screen time than the average kid living in the US, they typically like most fruit and many vegetables. So if they occasionally eat a pancake wrapped sausage on a stick for breakfast will that really undo all of the good stuff?
I have a lot to think about and I know I can't change the fact my husband's colon cancer was caused by a genetic issue. My kids either have it or they don't - I can't change that either. What I can change is how I deal with all of it while acknowledging that despite all the positive thinking this is a really crappy thing to have to live with, but it is what it is.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Questions, Questions, Questions
This should have posted a week ago, but I couldn't access my blog!
Questions. questions, questions
Now that Christmas and the rest of the holiday season is over, the results of the genetic testing is once again in the forefront of my mind. For the time between December 23 and January 3 it was fairly easy to not think about it because we knew nothing was going to happen during that time anyway.
Now it's the end of the first week in January and I'm getting antsy again. I don't want to be thinking about this so much, but it just feels like things are still so unsettled. I sent an email to the genetic counselor on Wednesday, but haven't heard back. That gets frustrating as well - not getting a response. Most likely she has nothing to tell us, we are not her only clients, and no doubt there are people in more serious situations than we currently are. On the other hand - this is serious for us. Will anything change if it is finally confirmed, that yes, Mike does have Lynch? Who knows. Probably not.We have already made some changes. Did you know that the spice turmeric gives EVERYTHING a weird almost neon green/yellow hue? Yet, it is in nearly everything we prepare for dinner now because it is a potent anti-inflammatory and may help inhibit the spread of cancer. It's a minor change, but a change nontheless.This evening I decided to check out http://www.colonclub.com/ again. It's been a while since I was on their message board. Tonight I was again reminded of how fortunate I am that Mike is now healthy and that his cancer was found when it was. There was a post from a woman who was married on August 9, 2010 and on August 23 her husband was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer. He died in his sleep early this morning and now, just 5 months after pledging to spend their lives together, she is a widow.
Who knows why things happen the way they do. I can ask all the "why" questions in the world, but never be satisfied. There are no clear answers for any of it. Now it's Friday night and I know nothing new will come up over the weekend so I will go back to my "life goes on like normal" routine until Monday morning when I again wait for the results from the genetic testing.
Questions. questions, questions
Now that Christmas and the rest of the holiday season is over, the results of the genetic testing is once again in the forefront of my mind. For the time between December 23 and January 3 it was fairly easy to not think about it because we knew nothing was going to happen during that time anyway.
Now it's the end of the first week in January and I'm getting antsy again. I don't want to be thinking about this so much, but it just feels like things are still so unsettled. I sent an email to the genetic counselor on Wednesday, but haven't heard back. That gets frustrating as well - not getting a response. Most likely she has nothing to tell us, we are not her only clients, and no doubt there are people in more serious situations than we currently are. On the other hand - this is serious for us. Will anything change if it is finally confirmed, that yes, Mike does have Lynch? Who knows. Probably not.We have already made some changes. Did you know that the spice turmeric gives EVERYTHING a weird almost neon green/yellow hue? Yet, it is in nearly everything we prepare for dinner now because it is a potent anti-inflammatory and may help inhibit the spread of cancer. It's a minor change, but a change nontheless.This evening I decided to check out http://www.colonclub.com/ again. It's been a while since I was on their message board. Tonight I was again reminded of how fortunate I am that Mike is now healthy and that his cancer was found when it was. There was a post from a woman who was married on August 9, 2010 and on August 23 her husband was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer. He died in his sleep early this morning and now, just 5 months after pledging to spend their lives together, she is a widow.
Who knows why things happen the way they do. I can ask all the "why" questions in the world, but never be satisfied. There are no clear answers for any of it. Now it's Friday night and I know nothing new will come up over the weekend so I will go back to my "life goes on like normal" routine until Monday morning when I again wait for the results from the genetic testing.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Christmas Eve
I told Mike a while ago that I honestly did not need or want anything for Christmas this year. I have said that in the past, but probably didn't really mean it. This year is different. The fact that Mike is healthy and cancer free is enough for me this year. My family is together. My kids know their dad feels good and the cancer is gone.
Of course, Mike being Mike, he still bought gifts. Thinking about it now, I actually feel relieved. (Not because I'm getting presents, although I won't complain!) This means that cancer is not front and center in our lives. Like every other Christmas we will go to church tonight and sing "Silent Night" by candlelight, try to convince the kids to go to bed at a somewhat reasonable time, and wake up way too early tomorrow morning because we are too excited to sleep. That's what I really wanted for Christmas.
The routine and the normalcy with the people I love the most.
Of course, Mike being Mike, he still bought gifts. Thinking about it now, I actually feel relieved. (Not because I'm getting presents, although I won't complain!) This means that cancer is not front and center in our lives. Like every other Christmas we will go to church tonight and sing "Silent Night" by candlelight, try to convince the kids to go to bed at a somewhat reasonable time, and wake up way too early tomorrow morning because we are too excited to sleep. That's what I really wanted for Christmas.
The routine and the normalcy with the people I love the most.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Merry Christmas to Us!
On Thursday, Mike had his first colonoscopy post surgery. What a different experience from the first time he had this procedure!
About 30 minutes after being taken in for the procedure, he was brought back to the recovery room where I was waiting. Nurses made eye contact with me, told me he did just fine, said he could have something to eat after he woke up and didn't close the curtains and shut the door when they left. That was all it took to tell me that the doc didn't find anything. Once Dr Dachman came in to talk to us he affirmed that the scope was clear. He did take some tissue from the reattachment site to be biopsied, but that is just a standard procedure and he doesn't anticipate anything but a negative result for that. He also said Mike doesn't need another colonoscopy until next December.
Later in the day the genetic counselor called and told us not to hold our breath for results from Mayo. Things are moving slow and with Christmas coming it will be after the first of the year before we know anything more than we do now. Not sure what it means that things are moving slow, but at this point I don't really care.
All that really matters right now is that Mike is still cancer free.
About 30 minutes after being taken in for the procedure, he was brought back to the recovery room where I was waiting. Nurses made eye contact with me, told me he did just fine, said he could have something to eat after he woke up and didn't close the curtains and shut the door when they left. That was all it took to tell me that the doc didn't find anything. Once Dr Dachman came in to talk to us he affirmed that the scope was clear. He did take some tissue from the reattachment site to be biopsied, but that is just a standard procedure and he doesn't anticipate anything but a negative result for that. He also said Mike doesn't need another colonoscopy until next December.
Later in the day the genetic counselor called and told us not to hold our breath for results from Mayo. Things are moving slow and with Christmas coming it will be after the first of the year before we know anything more than we do now. Not sure what it means that things are moving slow, but at this point I don't really care.
All that really matters right now is that Mike is still cancer free.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Peace & Joy?
Why is it that this time of year, instead of being peaceful and joyful, becomes so hectic and tense?
This is my third year working the "peak" season answering phones for a local catalog company. Every year I hope it will get easier for Cal to deal with. The first year I worked all nights so was not home much at bedtime. He was only 4 so it was difficult for him to understand. This year he is 6 and I work a mix of days and nights. Now he is upset that I can't always pick him up after school because I'm working. The fact that until about two months ago he went to a sitters house after school two or three afternoons each week doesn't seem to register. He's focused on the fact that for a couple of weeks I was able to pick him up after school every day and now I can't.
Between my job working during "peak" and my two other regular paid jobs something seems to always be neglected. Every year I consider not working peak, but then we would lose the year round benefit of using the fitness center, indoor swim lessons and other activities for the kids. Plus the extra money this time of year doesn't hurt. I am constantly weighing the pros and cons.
I want to feel peace and joy this year, but get so overwhelmed by the other crap that it's hard to find it. I'm anxious about Mike's colonoscopy on Thursday, I'm frustrated at how long the genetic testing is taking and I don't like that my kids feel like I don't have enough time for them. Mike was gone for four days working in Madison this past week/weekend for a big inspection on base. He was out of the house before 4:30 in the morning and either home late or not at all. Cal is getting over bronchitis and I lost my temper with one of his friends yesterday. Then last night was cub scouts for Mike and the kids and a different meeting for me. I miss my family.
Fortunately as of right now we have nothing scheduled for the next three nights. Mike will have to do the colonoscopy prep tomorrow afternoon/evening, which is a tough process, but at least we'll all be home together.
I'm trying not to let the "scanxiety" about the colonoscopy get to me, but it's hard. I don't like feeling scared. Mike says he isn't worried, that nothing could show up that fast, which is probably the case. I'll feel better Thursday after the doc confirms that everything looks good.
In the meantime I continue to try and find moments of peace where I can and see the joy that is around if only I take time to look for it.
This is my third year working the "peak" season answering phones for a local catalog company. Every year I hope it will get easier for Cal to deal with. The first year I worked all nights so was not home much at bedtime. He was only 4 so it was difficult for him to understand. This year he is 6 and I work a mix of days and nights. Now he is upset that I can't always pick him up after school because I'm working. The fact that until about two months ago he went to a sitters house after school two or three afternoons each week doesn't seem to register. He's focused on the fact that for a couple of weeks I was able to pick him up after school every day and now I can't.
Between my job working during "peak" and my two other regular paid jobs something seems to always be neglected. Every year I consider not working peak, but then we would lose the year round benefit of using the fitness center, indoor swim lessons and other activities for the kids. Plus the extra money this time of year doesn't hurt. I am constantly weighing the pros and cons.
I want to feel peace and joy this year, but get so overwhelmed by the other crap that it's hard to find it. I'm anxious about Mike's colonoscopy on Thursday, I'm frustrated at how long the genetic testing is taking and I don't like that my kids feel like I don't have enough time for them. Mike was gone for four days working in Madison this past week/weekend for a big inspection on base. He was out of the house before 4:30 in the morning and either home late or not at all. Cal is getting over bronchitis and I lost my temper with one of his friends yesterday. Then last night was cub scouts for Mike and the kids and a different meeting for me. I miss my family.
Fortunately as of right now we have nothing scheduled for the next three nights. Mike will have to do the colonoscopy prep tomorrow afternoon/evening, which is a tough process, but at least we'll all be home together.
I'm trying not to let the "scanxiety" about the colonoscopy get to me, but it's hard. I don't like feeling scared. Mike says he isn't worried, that nothing could show up that fast, which is probably the case. I'll feel better Thursday after the doc confirms that everything looks good.
In the meantime I continue to try and find moments of peace where I can and see the joy that is around if only I take time to look for it.
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