I am cautiously optimistic about 2012.
At the start of 2011 I was more than happy to put 2010 behind me and fully expected a better year. After all, how much worse could it get than Mike having cancer & being diagnosed with Lynch Syndrome? Then in September my Mom died.
Today I started going back through Facebook to the weeks leading up to Mom's death. At the time I wasn't blogging about it, but was putting it out on FB, making lots of phone calls and talking with my family. Now, I regret not blogging. I am trying to figure out how best to transfer all of those posts I made, in addition to the responses from the many, many people who supported my family and me during that time. I was glad to see the posts are all still there and it is just be a matter of making the time to organize them and save them somewhere besides FB.
I had a rough time with the whole New Year's thing. One of my life-long friends whose husband died unexpectedly earlier in 2011, put into words what I was thinking when she wrote, "kinda sad leaving 2011 behind because Brian was still part of that year". I know exactly what she means.
I am also concerned about Mike's family. So far none of his siblings have been tested for Lynch Syndrome. Mike and I have talked about offering to pay for the blood test, which is all they need to determine whether they have Lynch or not. There is also the issue of cousins and uncles that may also be affected by this. It's a struggle for me to understand their fears about insurance with the fact a simple blood test will either "let them off the hook" or allow them to be as prepared as possible to deal with Lynch head on.
I know 2012 will have both good days and bad and sometimes it's a matter of writing or saying what I WANT to be feeling rather than what I am actually feeling. Not sure if that's me wanting everyone to think I'm just fine or if, in someway, I know I am OK and things will get better.
Regardless, it'll be interesting to see what happens.